After The Convention, Leiberman Opens A Grocery Store

John McCain Should Choose Ronald McDonald for VP.

Another funny sign I saw in New York today

Wow. This is a Very Serious Sign.

Don't drink that! It's too expensive!

i moved to nyc and i see funny things.

In Defense of Client #9

Eliott Spitzer is being railroaded by another wave of unjustified American puritanism. Aren't we getting tired of feigning shock and outrage over sex scandals like this? So he had sex with a sex worker. To me, that sounds like a personal decision for a personal need. What's the big deal?

The big deal, many are saying, is that Spitzer was elected on a platform of fighting corruption. And the fact that he engaged in an illegal activity smacks of hypocrisy - that he's corrupt himself.

That's a pretty stupid argument.

A corrupt politician is one who seeks illegitimate personal gain by accepting cash, goods, or services in exchange for special favors to a single person or organization. Eliott Spitzer didn't do that. He simply paid someone for sex. That's not corruption, dumbasses.

Sure, there's the issue that technically, sex work is illegal. But so isn't going 60 mph in a 55 mph zone. Everyone does it. And sure, there's the other issue of structuring. But Spitzer only structured because conservative right wing America has a hangup on sex. He had no other choice.

I heard a very stupid psychologist on TV say, "Politicians like Mr. Spitzer feel entitled to take these actions and think they can get away with it because they feel protected by their own sense of power. Power corrupts."

Oh, really? If Spitzer felt that he could do whatever he wanted and get away with it, why the hell did he work so hard to hide the money trail? If he felt that he could get away with it, then he'd run around like Rudy Giuliani. Now there's a corrupt politician.

A moronic reporter on NPR said that Mr. Spitzer "seemed like he loved his wife." What?! Are you kidding me? Just because Spitzer had sex with a prostitute doesn't mean he doesn't love his wife. Do you see how stupid adults can be? That NPR reporter is an idiot. And she went to college!

Eliott Spitzer, like millions of men (and some women), simply had extramarital sex. Not a relationship. Sex. That's it. It's not about power. It's not about his wife. It's not about the rise and fall of the Roman fucking Empire. It's about a guy who wanted to have sex with another woman. And so he did.

His only obligation in this case is to his wife. Assuming he pledged monogamy, then he should have changed the nature of their relationship. If he broke his pledge to her, then he's a jerk. But that's the only real crime in this whole mess.

Foreshadowing? I hope not...

While booking my flight to New Orleans just now, a song came through my stereo at random. It was "Plane Crash" by The Purple Hearts.

So if my plane crashes on May 6 or May 8, please blame The Purple Hearts. Egads.

UPS Sucks - It's Worse Than Waiting For Cable

My delivery was put on the truck at 7:00 a.m. this morning. It's now 5:30 p.m. and I'm still waiting for it. WTF? Why have a tracking function on the UPS website if it doesn't tell you WHEN IT'S GOING TO BE DELIVERED. I just spent the day waiting around the apartment for no good reason. It's worse than waiting for cable because the cable companies only promises cable - not timely delivery. I don't care about all the stops that my box made during it's journey. I don't care that it had lunch at Applebee's or got some action from a sex worker near Penn Station. I DON'T CARE. All I want to know is this: when is my box going to get here? That's what we want to know, UPS. So why can't you tell us? I KNOW that your drivers are given schedules. I KNOW that they are not just driving around the city AT RANDOM delivery boxes. I KNOW that you could simply post those schedules online. So why don't you? What with the Internet, GPS, and iPhones, one would think you could do better than: We'll be by your place sometime today. Maybe. Grrr.

Oh - you wanted comedy? Sorry, all my jokes are in that box. Call UPS.

UPS Sucks - It'

UPS Sucks - It